Thinking Back
by theyaremagicallydelicious
Summary: A decade after Hogwarts, reoccuring nightmares haunt Draco Malfoy forcing him to relive his past as a death eater and his past as a spy. He must make amends with the people he hurt and the lives that he ruined, but first he must think back. *FINISHED*
1. Nightmares

            AN: This chapter is kind of an intro. It will pick up more in chapters to come. Thanks for reading!

            Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 1: Nightmares

_His palms felt clammy as he raised his wand. Somehow he couldn't do it, couldn't, but he had to. He heard voices around him. Voices. Everywhere. "Do it!" They called. He looked down at his wand and then up at struggling boy. For a moment, the their eyes met and Draco could not do it. _

_            "Perhaps the boy needs a lesson, Lucius?" He heard a cold voice hiss. He gasped; he couldn't take any more torture. Had to do it. Had to. The only way. Trying not to look into the other boy's eyes, he raised his wand slowly. "Crucio!" He choked out. _

_            The other boy cried out with pain. His body shook and trembled. His eyes rolled back into his head and his face wore an expression of pure terror._

            "AHHHHHHHH!" Draco awoke in his own bed, in his own flat. He gasped for breath as he worked to steady himself. It had been a dream, a nightmare. There was no torturing, no Potter, but that wasn't really true was it? There was torturing. There was Potter. It had all happened so long a time ago. Draco hadn't thought about everything in years and yet a few weeks ago, the dreams had started again. The nightmares, as clear as the day that it had actually happened.

            He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. While walking back to bed, Draco stopped to examine himself in his mirror in the corner of the room. He stared at his reflection, wondering if he would ever forgive himself for the things he had done, if he ever _could_ forgive himself. At the ripe ago of 27, Draco stood tall, taller than his father. There were dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep the last couple of weeks.  His blonde hair, usually slicked back, looked unruly and unkempt. "You looked tired scruffy!" The mirror barked at him. Draco rolled his eyes.

            His thoughts wandered back to the nightmares. Why was he having them? Why were they reoccurring? Draco sat on his bed and thought back to everything. He didn't want to relive the events of long ago, but he felt he had no choice. He felt he deserved it. 

~*~*~

            Seventh year at Hogwarts was considered the best. Top of the school, classes were actually interesting, and there was the thought of life after Hogwarts. A freedom, in which magic could be used at one's leisure and a career could be chosen based on one's interests. Draco had always longed for the freedom that the outside of Hogwarts brought and when seventh year rolled around, he felt more giddy than ever to leave the place that had kept him prison for seven long years. 

            Draco's seventh year was a time of great chaos, for the Dark Lord was gaining power and followers. It was said that everyday he grew stronger and everyday the light side grew weaker. Draco had never thought much about his future. He knew a lot of it was already planned out, had been planned out since the day he was born. Being the son of a Death Eater, he knew he was expected to follow in his father's footsteps and that was fine with him. Draco wanted so much to follow Voldemort, to be a part of it all, to be in the action, to have power, to be someone. It had never occurred to him, to NOT join the dark side. It was always a thing he was supposed to do, a thing he wanted to do, and a thing he had to do.

            Though Draco was eager to become a Death Eater, his father was not ready to let him become one. In numerous letters, Lucius had stated that he could not possibly become a Death Eater when Dumbledore lurked, like an omnipresent being, knowing everything that went on in his school. 

            Draco had never imagined the consequences of such choices that he had made as a teenager. Never thought to consider that he could be wrong. So when his father sent an urgent owl saying that Draco could become a Death Eater, only because every member they could get was needed, Draco jumped at his chance. 

            Draco had been able to apparate since the past summer, a skill his father thought necessary if he wished to follow in his footsteps. So illegally, he had gotten training and illegally he could now apparate. He was happy he had learned, as it would most likely be needed now that he was going to be a Death Eater at Hogwarts. Everyday Draco awaited more news of what was to become of him and finally he was rewarded with a letter.

He could remember the day he had gotten the letter from Voldemort himself like it was yesterday.

            It had been a normal enough day. Draco had gone to classes with his best friends, Crabbe and Goyle. He had encountered Potter and his two sidekicks and knocked him down a peg. It was always satisfying to Draco to make people angry and cause them embarrassment. To see Potter's face contort with fury, to see Weasley's ears turn red when he made a crack on his family and to see Granger bow her head solemnly whenever he called her a mudblood. Those three were way too full of themselves for their own good and Draco had taken it upon himself to make sure Potter's head never got too big. 

            After dinner, Draco had gone up to find his eagle owl, Raptor, waiting, a letter attached to his leg. Wondering what his father wanted now, Draco untied the letter and examined it closely. He could tell it was not from his father. His name was written on the parchment in a blood red ink and with a thrill of foreboding, he ripped it open. Draco scanned the paper quickly. 

            _Mr. Malfoy,_

_            Lucius had informed me of your eagerness to join my ranks. Of course one may not join without the proper initiation. You will be present at a meeting three weeks from today. There you will become one of us. Lucius will be informing you of time and place the day before the meeting. Fail to show and you might suddenly find that you fail to live._

_                                                                                                L.V_

            Draco gulped, wondering what he had gotten himself into. What initiation would he be made to face? Perhaps they would do something to him, or ask something of him? A muggle killing perhaps? He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He would find nothing out by musing. He would just have to wait and be patient. 

Well Whaddya think? Was it good? Did it suck? Please review?

                                                            __


	2. Crucio

            AN: Here's the second chapter! Things pick up here. This thing ~*~*~ separates Draco's memories from the present, just to let you know. Thanks for reading!

            Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 2: Crucio

Draco felt more nervous and tense in those three weeks he had to wait than any other time in his life. He knew that nothing could prepare him for his meeting with Lord Voldemort, but he still felt he had to do something. So he had holed himself up in the library for the past three weeks, doing nothing, but studying dark curses. He could not reach the books that held the very powerful dark studies in them, they were in the restricted section, but he could still find out some things.

            The day before his meeting, Draco headed to breakfast, with Crabbe and Goyle by his side, feeling a bit apprehensive. When the mail came, he scanned the ceiling of the Great Hall looking for Raptor. He finally spotted him, trailing the other owls a little bit, but hurriedly flapping his wings trying to catch up.

            Raptor swooped down and dropped a letter into Draco's hands. He tore the letter open as soon as it had touched his fingertips. He sighed, reading its contents. 

            _Draco,_

_            The Dark Lord has some instructions for you. Your initiation meeting will be held tomorrow at our Manor. Odd choice perhaps, but the Dark Lord feels it is the ideal location. You are to be in the Dining Hall at 6pm. We will be having a guest of honor._

_                                                                                                            Father_

            Draco read the short note several times, feeling his nervousness and tension spring up in him again. A guest of honor? What was he talking about? 

            That night, Draco tossed and turned, wondering what was in store for him the following day.  _You are a coward_, he thought to himself. _It can't be that hard, just do what he tells you to do and you'll be fine. _With a new resolve, Draco fell fast asleep, his breath coming out slow and even and his dreams peaceful.

~*~*~

            He couldn't handle the memories. They were all too much. Too much. Furious, Draco wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes, trying not to show any signs of weakness, though he knew it was too late for that.

            He found himself thinking of that moment for a long time. His last moments as a carefree teenager who wanted nothing more to be like his father. A teenager who hadn't known what fate held in store for him. He had done so much on the path of wrong, how could he ever make things right? Even when he had joined the Light Side. Had it been enough? 

            After that night, Draco had experienced more hurt, pain, and guilt than he had thought possible and he had brought it all onto himself. He had caused so much hurt and pain for others too. Feeling like he owed it to his victims, Draco once again delved back into the memories.

~*~*~

            Draco arrived at Malfoy Manor at 6pm sharp. It was cool for an April night and he tightened his robes around himself. Slowly he walked into the Dining Hall, and what he saw caused him to breath in relief. 

            Death Eaters sat around his father's dining table, apparently getting ready for a meal. _So this is initiation; we have some big dinner party, _Draco thought smiling and feeling a bit stupid. There would be no killing; there would be no mudbloods. It was just dinner. Draco recognized most of the people there, most of who were parents of his schoolmates. 

            His father finally noticed him standing in the doorway and hurried him inside. "Draco! I'm so proud of you. This is a big step." His father was smirking and Draco vaguely wondered if this was something other than it seemed. 

            "So, dinner, eh? Is this the big initiation?" He asked Lucius, hoping that he sounded casual. 

            "This?" His father, asked, waving a hand to the dining table and the guests. "Oh, no. Draco, this is nothing. This is just a little pre-ceremony meal. The real festivities start later." The Death Eaters grinned at each other knowingly and Draco felt a sick swoop of fright in his stomach.

            Immediately, he scolded himself for his fear. There was nothing to be scared of. He was a Malfoy and his place was as a Death Eater. Though Draco formed these words in his mind, he couldn't help but doubt this fact.

            After the dinner, Lucius ushered everyone outside. "Three people are due to arrive at any moment. Our Lord, a faithful Death Eater, and a special guest, and then Draco, then your ceremony will begin."

            Draco became curious, wondering whom this "special guest" could be and what this person have to do with him. A minute later his questions were answered. 

            Three people appeared out of nowhere. Draco recognized Lord Voldemort, as if he could ever fail to be recognized. That serpent-like face and red eyes were unique features that no other human being possessed. 

            Draco strained his neck to see the other two people. One was a tall man, who Draco couldn't see very well in the darkness and the other was being dragged by the man, seemingly against his or her will. 

            As soon as the two strangers walked into the light, Draco let out an audible gasp. Argus Filch, the caretaker at Hogwarts was the man and the person being dragged along with him? None other than Harry Potter. Draco's mouth went dry as Potter looked up at him, comprehension dawning on his face. His mouth twisted into an expression of anger, but Draco could not muster the usual sneer that he had on his face when Potter was around.

            "My Death Eaters!" Voldemort cried. Draco snapped his gaze away from Potter, who was being magically chained to a boulder. "And new recruit!" He said with a nod at Draco. "Welcome! Welcome! Argus Filch, the caretaker at Hogwarts has provided me with information from within Hogwarts for a long time. Using this information and the man himself, I have once again been able to bring Harry Potter to you. However, before he dies, we have a bit of business to take care of, do we not Lucius?" 

            "Yes master. My son." Draco heard his father whisper in a hoarse voice.

            "Ah, yes. Draco Malfoy." Voldemort turned his attention to Draco and surveyed him closely, looking him in the eye. Draco did not break the gaze. "You wish to follow me?"

            Draco tried to find his voice. "Yes, master." He said, mimicking his father's words. 

            "Then you shall have what you want!" Voldemort hissed. "But first!" He raised his wand and Draco stared at it terrified, wondering what was coming. "_Crucio_!"

            Pain. Pain like Draco had never experienced. Every nerve, every muscle, every bone in his body was on fire. White hot pain like a dagger mutilating his insides. His body trembled and shook. His eyes rolled back into his head. There was nothing to be done, but feel pain. 

            And suddenly it stopped. Draco worked to return his breathing to a normal rate. He was sitting on the ground, gasping for every breath. "Stand up!" Voldemort ordered. "Unless you wish to feel the pain of Crucio again?" Voldemort taunted.

            Eyes watering with the prospect of another round of the curse, Draco used all the energy he had and stood to his feet.

            Voldemort smirked evilly. "Good boy, Draco." He laughed a cold mirthless cackle and the Death Eaters around him joined in. Draco looked helplessly at his father, but his father was laughing with the others. "Only a couple more things left to take care of."  Voldemort raised his wand again and Draco shuddered, knowing that he could not take much more. "_Dermikio_!" 

            Draco looked at his arm as his flesh burned. He cried out in pain as his skin blistered and twisted before his eyes. A few seconds later it was over. He looked down at his arm and was surprised to see a black skull with a serpent running through it tattooed on his arm. The Dark Mark. Draco knew he could never go back now. Now that he had the foul mark on his arm. There would never be any going back. He was labeled a Death Eater for life.  

            "Now the last thing, Draco, involves our little guest here. Harry Potter must feel pain. Don't you agree? Perform the Cruciatus Curse on Potter! Now! And you will be one of my Death Eaters!" 

            Draco looked at Potter and saw pure hatred in those green eyes. He looked down at his wand and couldn't seem to raise it. This was Potter, his enemy sure. But that was more of a schoolboy grudge, not something to torture or kill him over. 

His palms felt clammy as he raised his wand. Somehow he couldn't do it, couldn't, but he had to. He heard voices around him. Voices. Everywhere. "Do it!" They called. He looked down at his wand and then up at the struggling boy. For a moment, the their eyes met and Draco could not do it. 

"Perhaps the boy needs a lesson, Lucius?" He heard a cold voice hiss. He gasped; he couldn't take any more torture. Had to do it. Had to. The only way. Trying not to look into Potter's eyes, he raised his wand slowly. "_Crucio_!" He choked out. 

           The other boy cried out with pain. His body shook and trembled. His eyes rolled back into his head and his face wore an expression of pure terror.

~*~*~

            Draco screamed out loud at the memory, the memory that was his nightmare. Tears ran down his cheeks as he realized the magnitude of his actions. That was where it had all begun. A path that had led to a downward spiral. 

Well Whaddya think? Was it good? Did it suck? Please review! Another chapter coming soon!


	3. Guilt

AN: Sorry this took so long. The story picks up here a little bit.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 3: Guilt

Voldemort had laughed at Potter's pain, at his agony. Draco looked down at his wand, not believing what he had just did. Could he ever go back now? Now that he had started? Somehow he didn't think so. 

            "Well, Potter. Did you like the Cruciatus Curse? No? I bet you won't-" Voldemort's head snapped around behind him as a loud thump sounded in the air. McNair was lying on the ground, apparently stunned. "Who did that? What happened?" Draco turned around and eyed the rest of the Death Eaters as well and he noticed someone there that he hadn't seen at first glance. Professor Snape. Had he stunned McNair? No, most likely not. Draco thought to himself. He seemed to be a pretty faithful Death Eater, hated Potter especially. 

            Voldemort turned around fully, his back to Potter. "Who dares to defy me?" He shouted with anger. Then, Draco saw out of his peripheral vision, Potter was getting away! Should he say something? Maybe he could pretend he didn't notice. Yes, that's exactly what he would do. He focused his eyes on Voldemort, pretending to be concentrating very hard on the situation at hand. 

            "Master!" Filch growled urgently. 

            "Shut up, you filthy squib." Voldemort's face contorted into an evil smirk. "Don't think for a second that you are a Death Eater. You are an informant. You come to me with information, and nothing else."

            Distracted for the time being, Filch forgot about Potter. "But…but you said I was a Death Eater! At that meeting! You told everyone else that I had become your most faithful servant." 

            Voldemort laughed, high and menacing. "Did I say that? My mistake. _Avada Kedavra_!" Draco gasped as a beam of green light shot from The Dark Lord's wand and collided with Filch's chest. He collapsed as soon as the light touched him. Draco realized he had just watched someone die. _So this is what its like to work for Voldemort_, he thought bitterly. 

            Draco examined Filch closely. His cold, dark eyes were wide open. But his body was still. 

            "Master!" Draco's thoughts were interrupted by his father's shouts. "Potter is gone!" Voldemort whirled around and Potter was nowhere to be seen. 

            "How did he get loose? Someone here is a traitor!" He screamed in anger. 

            "Master. Be reasonable." Lucius was saying. "Potter must have gotten free from his restraints on his own."

            Voldemort's eyes flashed and Draco could tell that his father instantly regretted his words. "Is that right, Lucius? Then I suppose McNair fell over from a head cold? Hm? I think you need to be reminded of where your loyalties lie. _Crucio_!" 

            Draco's eyes became wet with tears as he listened to his father's screams and watched him twitch. _This was hell_. He thought. _Hell. _

~*~*~

            Draco sat at his flat in silence, wondering why he had never stepped in as Voldemort had continued to torture not only him, but his father, and his peers as well. Why was he such a coward? 

            He remembered when he was younger; thinking that the life of a Death Eater must be pretty glamorous. No one messed with you and you could do whatever you wanted. He didn't realize until that night how wrong he was.

~*~*~

            Draco Apparated outside of Hogwarts very late that night. Voldemort had been livid wondering who had betrayed him or if Potter had done something. The mystery of McNair had never been solved. McNair had been revived, and had no idea who had stunned him. 

            The mystery of Potter was much easier to resolve. The portkey that Filch had taken into the area was gone and no trace of Potter had been seen. Draco was sure he had made it back to Hogwarts safely, and for once he was glad that Potter was okay.

            Draco walked into the castle and hoped that he would not get caught wondering the halls that night. But then again, he thought to himself wryly. There's no Filch to catch you. Draco stopped in the middle of the corridor he was in at this thought and examined the mark on his arm carefully. 

            It was an ugly, foul mark. The horrible serpent winding its way through the empty skull. Draco covered it up in distaste. He had done this to himself. He had chose it and he would just have to live with his choices. 

            "Mr. Malfoy." Draco heard a voice whisper. He sighed and lifted his gaze from the floor. It was Dumbledore. _Great now I'm really in trouble_, he thought. 

            "Please come to my office." Draco followed silently, through the twisting passages to a stone gargoyle. Dumbledore must have whispered the password, because Draco hadn't heard it.

Dumbledore sat down behind an old looking desk and motioned Draco to take a seat in front of him. "Now Mr. Malfoy. Word has come to me that you are involved with the Death Eaters." He stated matter-of –factly. 

            Draco's insides went cold. How did he know? Maybe he was bluffing. He urged himself not to change his facial expression. "Prove it."  He heard himself hiss. 

            "Well." Dumbledore sighed. "I do have witnesses, but I'm not sure that would be enough to convict you in court and besides. I believe in second chances. So for now I will say this Mr. Malfoy." He paused and waited for Draco to make eye contact. Determinedly, Draco looked down at the desk until he could not take it any longer. Giving in, he lifted his stare. "You do not have to be who your father is." Dumbledore whispered. "You may go."

            Draco had only a moment to revel in the fact that he had not been punished for his stroll through the castle when he began to ponder over Dumbledore's words. You do not have to be who your father is. How had he known his thoughts? How could he read his mind like that? That was exactly what had drove him to be a Death Eater and Dumbledore had known it. Maybe he was right, but there was really no turning back now. 

            The next few weeks dragged on without occurrence. School was virtually normal, though Potter was absent from classes a few days after the meeting and of course Filch was no longer there. No one seemed to wonder much about what had happened to him, though some suspected Voldemort. And then something happened to make Draco's blood run cold.

            He had been joking around with his friends at breakfast, forgetting his troubles for a moment when Raptor had swooped down with a letter. Draco nonchalantly opened the letter, expecting something from his mother or father. 

                        _Mr. Malfoy,_

_                        I would like to commend you on your excellent performance at the meeting a few weeks ago. You are now a fully-fledged Death Eater. Tonight be at your manor at 7pm._

_                                                                                                            L.V._

            Draco looked around to make sure no one had noticed the letter or his reaction too it. He sighed in relief as everyone appeared to be engaged in conversation. He scanned the letter again, wondering what they were going to do. How could he torture of kill people? He had tortured Potter, and it had been so hard and even harder now to live with the guilt. Potter had not confronted him about it, and Draco had not taunted him or his best friends since that day.

            The day seemed to melt away and soon enough is was time for him to Apparate to the manor. Silently, he sneaked out of the castle through a secret passage and Apparated from Hogsmeade. 

            "Ah. Draco has arrived. Now we may start." Voldemort had noticed his appearance right away. Voldemort looked around for a minute and said, "Where is Wormtail? He was just here."

            "Coming, my Lord." A small, balding man running from the kitchen.  

            "Now Wormtail. I need you to tell me something. Who are Potter's best friends? Perhaps if the boy will not die, we can hurt him more using his friends."

            Wormtail answered quickly. "The boy! The boy that I lived with. Ron Weasley and there was a girl too. I can't remember her name…" He trailed off sounding desperate. Perhaps he was thinking of Crucio.

            Voldemort however did not seem to upset. "Draco. Tell me who this girl is." Draco paused. Should he tell him? Would he hurt her? Would he hurt Weasley? Yes, he silently answered his own questions. But what was he going to do? It was either tell him or die. 

            "Hermione Granger." He whispered. "But…Master…I don't see how we can get to them. They are protected at Hogwarts."

            "Now you see Draco. You need to have more faith in your Lord. True, it would be nearly impossible to extract them from that school while they are right under Dumbledore's nose. However, Potter has no family. So we can go after the family of his friends. We can send a message. Potter will know that it is his fault. So tell me something about Weasley's and the girl's family."

            Draco was shocked. He would go after Weasley's and Granger's families just to get at Potter? Such useless death and destruction. _But wait_, a nasty little voice in the back of his head said. _You're going to be involved too and you are giving out the information_. Draco felt he had no choice, but to comply with the Dark Lord's wishes. He knew he would give the information to Voldemort if he were tortured anyway.

            "Weasley has five brothers and a sister. His parents live in some dump near Surrey, but his brothers and sisters are either at Hogwarts or living by themselves. Granger is muggle-born. Her parents live in some muggle place, not far from here." He heard himself answer dully. 

            "Excellent." Voldemort smirked. "The girl is the way to go. The Weasleys may be prepared for an attack with portkeys and such. The girl's parents will be unprotected. We will do this tonight after we find an address. Severus! The Hogwarts Student Book please."

            Draco, watched mouth open, as Snape handed Voldemort a small black book with addresses in it. He was going to stand by and watch as one of his students' parents' were tortured or killed? That was sick. 

            "We must go now. However, everyone does not need to attend. This will be a small job. Just muggles. Six Death Eaters should be fine." Draco perked up at this. Surely he would not get picked. He was new. He would not have to go. "Lucius, Wormtail, Crabbe, Goyle, McNair, and…Draco." Draco's blood ran cold. "Let's test our new Death Eater, shall we?"

            The other Death Eaters Apparated to their homes, while the handful selected for the mission Apparated to the Grangers' home. Draco appeared on a suburban street with large houses. He followed Voldemort and the other five Death Eaters up the street. They stopped in front of a quiet looking house. It was dark and looked rather empty and Draco hoped with all of his heart that the Grangers' were not home. 

            "_Alohomora_." Voldemort whispered, unlocking the door and entering the house. Draco followed him in. Voldemort stopped abruptly when they had all entered the house. "Do Cruciatus first and then kill them." He smirked and looked at Draco who had gone white as a sheet. "Draco, you can take care of the mother. I will get the father. The rest of you follow in just in case the young one here needs backup and destroy the house when we're done."

            Draco gulped and tried to tell himself this was not happening. He was not in one of his peer's houses, preparing to kill her mother. He was not. As he climbed the stairs to the upper level of the house, the situation became more real to him. He was going to kill somebody.

            Voldemort led them through an open door and there the Grangers' slept peacefully. Draco studied them for a moment. The woman had bushy brown hair, exactly like Hermione's. She had a small smile on her face and Draco hoped she was dreaming of nice things. The man had short blonde hair flecked with gray and his arms were wrapped protectively around his wife. Draco thought he might throw up at any second.

            "Do it, Draco." Voldemort jeered. 

            Draco said a silent prayer in his head, hoping that he would be forgiven for what he was about to do. He raised his wand. "_Crucio_!" He said firmly. 

            Mrs. Granger's body began to twitch and shake. Her eyes shot open and tears poured down her cheeks. She screamed in agony. Finally after a long moment, Draco lifted her from the curse. She gasped for breath. "Who are you?" She managed to choke out, eyeing Draco.

            Draco did not answer. He bowed his head shamefully. Mr. Granger had awoken to his wife's shouts and was now being held by Crabbe and Goyle. "Again, Draco." Voldemort stated forcefully.

            Once again Draco raised his wand. "_Crucio_." This time, he muttered the word. Voldemort asked him to perform the curse four times on Mrs. Granger before he was satisfied. 

            "Now Draco. You know what must be done."

            Draco was sweating all over. He didn't know if he could do it. He felt cold and shivery and looked at Voldemort, hoping he would tell someone else to do it.

            "NOW DRACO!" He boomed. 

            Draco raised his wand and knew he was about to do something that would rack him with guilt for years to come. _You could just not do it, Draco_, a voice in his head said. _It wouldn't be that heard. Just don' t say the words_. But Draco knew he had to do it. If he didn't then Voldemort would kill him and get someone else to do it.

            Mrs. Granger eyed him fearfully as he raised his wand. Her husband tried to fight against his captors to no avail. "_Avada Kedavra_!" Draco shouted. A jet of green light shot out of his wand and before he knew what had happened, Mrs. Granger lay on the floor, eyes open and shocked. 

            Draco stared down at her for a long time as Voldemort tortured and killed Mr. Granger. He had killed her. He had killed her. He repeated it over and over in his mind, not daring to believe what he had just did.

            For the rest of the evening, Draco was in a daze. After they had tortured and killed Hermione's parents, they proceeded to leave her house in shambles. She was an orphan now, Draco realized. She had no one to go home to. 

            That night, Draco walked to the Slytherin common room feeling numb. He had just ruined someone's life. "Mr. Malfoy, we meet again."

            It was Dumbledore. Again. What was he doing, always roaming the corridors at night? He needed a hobby. Dumbledore let out a long deep sigh. "Come with me, Mr. Malfoy." 

            For the second time, Draco followed to Dumbledore's office. He sat in the same chair that he had been in last time. However, this time Dumbledore was not seeking to give him words of advice, he had a proposition for him.

            "Now Mr. Malfoy, do you realize what you did tonight?" Draco's stomach dropped. How did he bloody know? "I have my sources, Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore said, answering his silent question. "I know that you are a Death Eater. I know that you helped in an attack on the Grangers this evening. I also know that you do not really want this life, do you?" He paused as if to give Draco time to think about his words. 

            "Therefore, Mr. Malfoy I would like to offer you a way out. Join the Light Side as a spy. Your days of torture and killing will be over. You can help make amends. And as a reward, you will not be punished for your actions."

            Now Draco knew he was lying. No punishment? Yeah right. He would probably be shipped off to Azkaban as soon as he told them everything he knew. He expressed these thoughts out loud. "No punishment, eh? I know that's not true."

            Dumbledore studied him for a moment before replying. "No I suppose your right. It is not true, you will have to live with the worst punishment of all, every single day of your life."

            "What's that?" Draco asked, wondering what Dumbledore was on about.

            "Guilt." Dumbledore said simply. 

            Draco sat in Dumbledore's office for what seemed like hours, contemplating his words. And slowly he came to the realization that Dumbledore was right. He didn't want to torture and kill people. He didn't want to be the person his father was. 

            "You've got yourself a deal, Professor."

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	4. The Order of the Phoenix

            AN: Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 4: The Order of the Phoenix

Dumbledore had sighed with relief. "Then Mr. Malfoy, I need you to come with me." Draco nodded silently and followed Dumbledore through the winding passages of Hogwarts wondering where they were going. Finally, they reached their destination. Snape's office? Draco thought. But why are we here? Perhaps Dumbledore is going to confront him about being a Death Eater as well. But then, why am I here?

            "Follow me, Draco." Dumbledore stated as he walked into the office. Professor Snape was sitting at his desk sifting through some paper work. 

            "Hello Severus." Dumbledore said quickly. "Mr. Malfoy wishes to be a spy for us. I wanted him to come see you. Tell him everything he needs to know and answer any questions he may have." With that Dumbledore was gone and Draco was left dumbfounded wondering what was going on.

            "Er…Professor?" Draco asked quietly. "Aren't you a Death Eater?" Snape studied him for a moment before replying. 

            "No Mr. Malfoy. I am a spy. I have been a spy for Dumbledore for three years and before that when Voldemort was around the first time."

            Immediately, Malfoy became enraged. "Then why didn't you stop the attack tonight! You could've stopped it! You could've saved Hermione's parents!" Draco almost laughed at his own words. Hermione? Now he was calling those Gryffindors by their first names, but he decided he liked it better that way.

            "Sometimes, Draco…" Snape began. "You can't always stop an attack without revealing yourself. That's your first lesson as a spy. I came back here as fast as I could and warned Dumbledore, but by the time he got there with Arabella, Miss Granger's parents were already dead and the Death Eaters had already gone. Sometimes, I can stop things. Potter for instance got away, didn't he?"

            Draco nodded and realized it had been Professor Snape who had stunned McNair and provided a distraction. He had probably used some sort of spell to free Potter from his restraints as well. "Now Draco. The most important thing you must remember. Never get caught. Not only will it result in your death, but you will also be tortured and given Veritaserum to tell them anything you know. You cannot directly interfere with some things Voldemort will do without revealing yourself. Sometimes you mat have to watch as he tortures and kills people. You will have to feel helpless."

            Draco winced at this vivid description. He had felt helpless already, as he had murdered Mrs. Granger with his own wand. "Sir? Can I ask you something?" Snape nodded slowly. "Does the….does the guilt ever go away?"

            Snape looked at Draco carefully. Draco thought for a minute that he had seen tears well up in his Professor's eyes, but a second later he was sure he had imagined it. Snape's cold eyes looked as dry as ever. "No Draco, it doesn't."

~*~*~

            Draco sipped a glass of water thoughtfully. That was probably the truest statement Professor Snape had ever spoken. Even now, ten years later, he was still overcome with guilt at the death of the Grangers, the torturing of Potter, and the countless attacks on people that he was unable to stop. And worse yet, he thought to himself. I never apologized. Never told Hermione how sorry I was. Never asked for Harry's forgiveness.

            Draco's eyes filled up with tears. No the guilt never went away.

~*~*~

            After the small meeting with Snape, his Professor had told him to go back to Dumbledore's office. This was shaping up to be a very long night. To his surprise, Dumbledore had been waiting for him at the stone gargoyle that blocked the entranceway to his office. "Come with me, Draco." 

            Draco followed him up the stairs and into the office, once again sitting in the same chair as he had done twice before. Maybe we can just always leave this seat reserved for me, Draco thought wryly. 

            Silence filled the air and Draco wondered if Dumbledore was waiting for him to speak. After a few minutes, Draco could take the tension no longer. "What is it, Professor?"

            Draco looked at Dumbledore and was stricken with the thought that the man had never looked older or wearier as he did at that moment. "Did Snape answer your questions?" Dumbledore asked. Draco nodded and waited for him to continue. "Very well. I will tell you how things work then. Whenever Voldemort, or any other Death Eater sends you a letter, bring it here at once. Then I will give you instructions. Now, you are a member of a resistance known as the Order of the Phoenix. We fight Voldemort and everything he stands for. Here is a list of other members, as you may be working with them from time to time. You may be given other assignments rather than spying as well." Dumbledore handed him the list.

            Draco ran through the names on the list. Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black. "Sirius Black? Isn't he a Death Eater? A Voldemort supporter?"

            Dumbledore smiled for the first time that evening. "Very much the opposite, Mr. Malfoy. But we don't have time to get into details." 

Draco nodded, amazed and continued to read through the list of names. Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher, Molly Weasley, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley. Jesus, Draco thought. They're all members. Two names, Arthur Weasley and Rubeus Hagrid were crossed out. They had been murdered by Voldemort in Draco's fifth year. He scanned the list of Weasleys again and noticed one of the older one's were missing. "What about Peter Weasley? Isn't he a member?"

Dumbledore looked confused for a moment. "Oh, Percy?" Draco nodded feeling a little embarrassed. Dumbledore sighed. "He is on Fudge's side, which is a much different side than ours. He believes in ending the confrontation peacefully. Percy has sided with him."

Draco nodded and continued. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger. "What? Harry, Ron, and Hermione are members too? How?" Once again, Draco noticed the change as he called them by their first names. 

 "Yes, they have been involved with the Order since the end of fifth year. They were already involved with the war, how could I not include them?" Draco nodded in understanding, still somewhat surprised. 

"So…I might have to work with them on something?" Draco asked. He wasn't sure if he could face them after what he had done. 

Dumbledore sighed gravely. "Now is the time to put our differences behind us. Silly things like which house we are in, appearance, and financial status…" He continued giving Draco a look. "…do not matter anymore. We are bound together by one common goal."

Draco felt defeated. The conversation seemed to be over. "Can I go now Professor?" He asked quietly. 

            "No, Draco. I will be bringing Hermione Granger up here in less than an hour, as it is almost morning. She will have to hear of her parents' death. Most likely she will bring Harry and Ron as well. I think you should see what you have done." 

            Draco was shocked. "Do I really have to see that Professor?" He knew very well that it was a suitable request for him to watch, but he wasn't sure he would be able to do so without throwing up. "Besides, they won't want me to be here."

            "They won't know you are here, Draco." He pulled out something long and silvery. "Do you know what this is?" 

            "An invisibility cloak." Draco said, and he knew he was condemned to watch. Dumbledore handed it to him. "Thank you sir." 

            "Put it on and stand in the corner over there." Dumbledore said pointing. "I'm going to get Miss Granger."

            Dumbledore walked quietly out of the room. For a moment Draco considered just running out of the office, but he did as he was told. He knew he deserved it. Maybe Hermione would demand to know what was going on down at the Gryffindor common room. Maybe they won't even come up here, Draco thought to himself hopefully. 

            Sooner than expected, Draco heard footsteps climbing the stairs to Dumbledore's office and then they appeared. Dumbledore, looking old and weary. Hermione was already worried. She was looking at Ron for comfort, it seemed. Ron grabbed her hand. He was looking worried too. Worried for his best friend. Draco gulped. His throat felt constricted. Potter…no…Harry had come too. He looked numb. 

            The three students sat around Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore looked at them for a moment before speaking. "It is my duty to inform you, Miss Granger, that there was a Death Eater attack on your parents last night." 

            Draco stared at her face. He wanted to see every little reaction she had. He felt that that was the only way to punish himself for his actions.

            Hermione gasped. "Wha…What happened? Are they hurt? Are they okay?"  Her face was contorted in pain. Not the kind of Cruciatus, Draco thought. A worse pain. A pain from knowing that your loved ones were hurt and you weren't there to stop it. 

            "Your parents were killed, Miss Granger. I'm sorry for your loss." Hermione's mouth fell open. 

            She said nothing for what seemed like hours to Draco. Tears poured silently down her cheeks and then she began to sob so hard, that Draco was sure the whole castle could hear her. Ron embraced her and she collapsed in his arms. After a few moments, Harry joined them .The three sat there, hugging each other for what felt like the longest time. Soon Draco felt tears sliding down his own cheeks. 

            He had caused this. He had caused all of this pain. Feeling like he couldn't stand to look at them any longer, Draco turned his gaze away.

            An hour later, after Hermione had interrogated Dumbledore about the occurrence, the three left. Draco had no idea where they were going…he had tried no to listen to their conversation. Perhaps they would go home for a few days. See the…funeral. 

            "Draco you may uncover yourself." Dumbledore said. Slowly, Draco took the invisibility cloak off and walked over to Dumbledore. "So. Mr. Malfoy, are you ready to become a member of the Order of the Phoenix?"

            Draco thought long and hard about everything that had happened since he had become a Death Eater. He had tortured Potter. He had killed Hermione's mother. He had seen the pain that had caused. "Yes, sir I am."

            "Okay, sign here." Draco added his own name to the list he had been given earlier. He looked at his signature for a minute, thinking that it looked a lot better than that foul mark he had on his arm. 

            Dumbledore looked at him for a moment. The twinkle in his eyes seemed to come back. "Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix."

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	5. The Plot and the Counterplot

            AN: Here's the fifth chapter! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! I appreciate it!

            Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 5: The Plot and the Counterplot 

Rumors flooded the school for the next few days. No one, apart from Draco, knew where Harry, Ron, and Hermione had gone. Finally, four days after the attack on the Grangers, the Daily Prophet reported on it, and everyone guessed from there what had happened. 

            Draco wished he could go to the funeral. He knew it wouldn't do anything, or help anyone, but somehow he wanted to pay his respects. However, Draco was aware that no one would want him there and highly doubted that Dumbledore would give him permission. With that in mind, he did not even broach the subject with the headmaster.

            Exactly one week after the assault, Harry, Ron, and Hermione returned to school. It was that same day, when Draco received his first letter from Voldemort since becoming a member of The Order. 

            He recognized the writing when Raptor dropped the envelope into his hands. Trembling, he worked quickly to open the letter and read on in horror. 

            _Draco,_

_            Your have proven to me that you are a solid investment. More of your work will be needed soon. Tomorrow be at your manor at 8 PM._

_                                                                                                            L.V_

            Awkwardly, Draco stood up. His head was pounding. He told Crabbe and Goyle he had forgotten his quills and would catch up with them later. He scanned the teacher's table for Dumbledore and did not see him. Practically running through the halls, Draco made his way towards Dumbledore's office. He gave the password ("Phoenix!"), which Dumbledore had entrusted him with. 

            The headmaster was sitting at his desk, scribbling furiously, and Draco suspected that he was composing a letter. He noticed Draco's presence as soon as he entered the room and his face twisted into an anxious expression. "What is it Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked wearily.

            "I received a letter from Voldemort this morning," Draco began. "He wants me to meet him at my Manor tomorrow at eight." Draco handed the letter to Dumbledore who read it carefully several times before filing it away in a drawer. 

            "I must keep all of the letters. You never know when they could become of use." Dumbledore said. "Now your moment has come Mr. Malfoy. You will do exactly as you're told. Tomorrow you will go to that meeting. You will attempt to sabotage any plans that Voldemort has without revealing yourself. If you are dismissed while other Death Eaters are going somewhere else, report to my office immediately and let me know what is going on. Lives are in your hands. After the meeting you will come to me with every detail you can remember. Take note of who attends every meeting. Keep in mind that Professor Snape will be providing this same information for me. Any attempt to deceive me will not go undetected." He finished sharply. 

            Draco nodded, hoping that no situation would come down to saving a life or revealing himself. He didn't really want to make that choice, even when Dumbledore was clearly telling him to remain undercover, it still seemed wrong somehow.

            Dumbledore dismissed him and Draco made his way to Potions feeling very lonely. No one knew what was going on, at least no one he could confide in. He couldn't tell Dumbledore how scared he was or talk to Professor Snape about his anxiousness. Crabbe and Goyle were oblivious to everything that had gone on since Draco had become a Death Eater. 

            He passed Harry, Ron, and Hermione on his way inside the dungeons and was not surprised when Ron glared at him menacingly. _They probably know that I was involved with the attack somehow_. Draco thought to himself. He did not smirk or send any taunts their way. Ever since the day he had participated in the torturing of Harry, he had not done one thing to provoke them. It just didn't seem right after his actions.

            Draco watched Snape pace around the classroom as he lectured on the usefulness of a Bravery Brew. Draco felt entranced as he watched him. Cold and cruel, Snape descended on Harry demanding to know the answer to a question that had nothing to do with the current lesson. And suddenly, for the first time, Draco noticed how unfair Snape really was to Harry. He had to keep up the image and Draco knew that he would have to do the same. He couldn't be nice to the Gryffindors, he couldn't show a sudden sense of compassion, and he couldn't let anything show that might give away his current position as a member of The Order. Anyone in his own house could be connected to the Death Eaters in numerous ways. Most of them were. And if they saw a sudden change in his behavior, he was done for.

            He still resolved to not taunt people. That was something he could do. Smirking and arrogance were allowed. They were his trademarks. He had to smirk. He had to be vain and arrogant or he wouldn't be Malfoy and people would realize that something was up.

            That night, Draco dreamt of the scene at the Grangers. It had been happening every night since he had participated in the attack against them. He couldn't seem to shake it off. Worse was the thought of watching as more people were tortured and killed, feeling powerless to stop it, but Draco knew that that was what lay ahead for him. 

*~*~*

            Overcome with fatigue, Draco laid down in his bed, hoping to sleep. Instead he was filled with restlessness and a terror that the nightmares would return to him. A few minutes later Draco sat up again, resigning himself to staying awake for the remainder of the night. 

            He couldn't seem to shake the memories that formed vividly in his mind. Strange how he could remember every detail of the worst moments in his life, but if asked what the best moment in his life was…well he probably wouldn't even remember what had happened. 

            Memories were really all he had left. Disowned by his family, and never having any real friends, Draco found himself alone after the war. Odd, how he had survived. He never thought he would have. That night, before his first mission as a member of The Order, Draco had started on a path of redemption, but that path still remained incomplete.

*~*~*

            The day seemed to fly. First he was eating breakfast, class began, class was over, and then lunch, another class and here he was at dinner. Draco pushed his Shepard's pie around distractedly. How could he eat, when he felt the strongest urge to vomit? "Something wrong, Draco?"

            He turned sharply in his chair to see Blaise Zabini looking back at him curiously. He grinned, an actual smile, not the usual smirk he usually tossed out to everyone. Blaise was the only Slytherin in Draco's year whose parents were not involved with Voldemort. Blaise would not have his future already planned out. He was not destined to become a Death Eater. This thought made Draco feel oddly happy, and he realized he didn't want anyone to go through what he had. He realized to late that being a Death Eater was not what he wanted and there were repercussions to his actions that he had not seen before. Thinking of Blaise now, he seemed oddly innocent in Draco's eyes. "Nah, Blaise. I'm all right. Just thinking."

            Blaise nodded and went back to his food. Soon dinner was over and Draco found himself sneaking out of the castle to find a good place to Apparate from. Draco was breathing heavily by the time he found himself in Hogsmeade. There was a slight chill in the air and Draco wasn't sure if it was the weather or what he was setting out to do. He walked all the way up to the Shrieking Shack, hoping to delay the meeting with Voldemort for as long as he could. 

            Finally, resolving to the fact that there was no way to avoid the situation, Draco Apparated and appeared at his Manor a few minutes after eight. 

            He scanned the faces of the Death Eaters, committing each of their names to memory. Nott. Crabbe. Goyle. McNair. Snape. Parkinson. Malfoy. It was a small group of them and Draco wondered why everyone was not present. 

            "Now that everyone has arrived." Voldemort began. "We can put our minds onto more important matters. In two days, there is a Hogsmeade weekend. We will be attacking there. Nowhere is a better place to attack. Unsuspecting wizards and the children of Hogwarts? A double target. Everyone here will be participating in the assault as well as a few others who have already been briefed. Draco you are to warn your fellow Slytherins of the impending attack. They can either stay at Hogwarts or help us."

            Draco nodded, but he had no intentions of telling his fellow Slytherins anything. Plans of sabotage were already running through his head, but he knew he would consult Dumbledore before he did anything rash.  

            "I want destruction!" Voldemort continued. "People, dead and tortured. Buildings, crumbling and falling down. We will do everything in our power to make sure that wizards everywhere realize who is in control. Now all of you need to warn anyone who follows me. Severus, I have a special job for you. Your current position as a teacher in Hogwarts is ideal for this situation. Make sure that Dumbledore and his followers are there on Saturday. We will teach them a lesson."

            Snape gave a short curt nod, and a cold smile played across his face. If Draco didn't know any better, he would say that Snape is the quintessence of evil. Just as bad as Voldemort, really. Draco supposed that Snape had been playing a Death Eater for so long that he had picked up a lot of their tendencies and expressions. He played the part perfectly. Draco was in awe at the fact that these adults were sitting around planning the deaths of kids his age. It was unthinkable.

            Voldemort continued talking for over an hour. Outlining the plans for the attack on Hogsmeade. Telling everyone where to be and when. Draco listened carefully, trying to burn every detail into his memory. He eagerly awaited the end of the meeting, so he could run to Dumbledore and tell him everything he knew. 

            Soon, Voldemort let them go. 

            When he did get to Hogwarts, Draco strolled right up to Dumbledore's office, where the headmaster was waiting. "Hello Mr. Malfoy. What do you have to tell me?" 

            Draco launched into the explanation. He told Dumbledore everything; who was there, what Voldemort was planning and the things he and Snape were supposed to do. "What should I do, Professor? About telling all my housemates? And the attack itself?" He was anxious to receive orders from Dumbledore.

            Dumbledore sighed and paused for a long moment before answering. "I cannot instruct you on the attack.  I can tell you to be where Voldemort instructed you to be and try not to let any Death Eaters see you helping people. You must not do any lasting damage to anyone, but be sure to do something. Help people when the Death Eaters aren't looking, but most of all never reveal yourself. As for your housemates, tell them not to be in Hogsmeade that day. Do not tell them that they have the option to help. If they hear it from their parents then there is nothing we can do, but we can try to keep them out of the way so they don't help Voldemort and they don't get hurt."

            Draco scowled. "But who cares if they get hurt?" He said rather callously. "All they want to do is assist Voldemort."

            Dumbledore smiled. "Draco, I think you, if anyone, should understand the importance of second chances. There is always the prospect of someone changing."

Draco smiled sheepishly, before answering, "You're right Professor." 

            Dumbledore dismissed him shortly after and Draco wandered back to the Slytherin common room feeling optimistic. He knew he could make a difference in the impending battle on Saturday. If he used his head and didn't do anything stupid, he could help the Light Side and keep his identity a secret. No one would find out that he was a member of The Order.

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	6. Mistakes

            AN: I know this has taken forever. My apologies. Damn teachers and their homework. Thanks for the reviews! I appreciate it!

            Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 6: Mistakes

Draco woke up on Saturday morning feeling anxious. This was it, his first mission as a member of The Order. He could only hope that he would do everything right. 

            When he arrived at breakfast, Draco was surprised to see Dumbledore making an announcement. "Again, the Hogsmeade visit for today has been canceled." There were various groans and sounds of indignation from the student body. "I have been warned of impending danger today and I do not want any of you there. Do not attempt to sneak into Hogsmeade, as it may result in fatal consequences." Silence filled the Great Hall at this statement.

            Draco sighed in relief. No one would be going. No students would be injured. However, there was sure to be plenty of witches and wizards there for the day and Draco was still worried for their safety. 

            Soon it was time for him to go to the village. He took a secret passage, that he was sure only he knew about, which led to the cellar of Honeydukes. To burn off some of his nervous energy, he sprinted through the tunnel at top speed. About halfway there, he heard voices ahead. "Did you hear that?" He heard someone mutter. Another person responded, but Draco did not his or her words. "It sounded like some sort of scuffling behind us." Draco knew whoever it was had heard him running. _Some gits are trying to sneak into Hogsmeade, _he thought to himself. He jogged forward a little bit to catch up with the people and warn them. 

            He skidded to a halt when he saw who it was. "Malfoy." Harry Potter spat. Standing beside him were Ron and Hermione, both looking as malicious as Harry. "What are you doing here?"

            Malfoy struggled to speak. Talking to them put his actions in the spotlight in his mind and he did not like it. "Surely Dumbledore told you." He muttered, working to keep any hostility from his voice.

            Ron shook his head impatiently. "He didn't tell us anything. In case you haven't noticed, Malfoy, there are three of us and one of you so keep talking." He snarled.

            Draco was in shock. How could Dumbledore not have told them? _That sneaky bastard._ He thought, almost smiling. _He wanted confrontation. He wanted us to face each other and realize we're on the same side._ "I am a member of The Order." He stated firmly.

            Hermione's mouth gaped open and Harry and Ron were silent for a few moments. Ron was not at a loss of words for long. "Bull." He said viciously.   
  


            _Ah, of course they would not believe me._ Draco thought. "Don't believe me, Ron?" He said, this time trying to sound like his vain self. He clapped a hand over his mouth as soon as he spoke.

            "What did you call me?" Ron questioned, almost looking like he was ready to laugh now. 

            Draco looked down sheepishly. He had never meant to say his first name a loud. "It's not important." He said quickly. "What is important is that Voldemort is about to attack Hogsmeade and we are not there yet. Don't believe me, do you? Well than hear this. I was a Death Eater for a very short period of time." He muttered so softly that the trio could barely hear him. He couldn't believe what he was telling them. "However, I saw the error of my ways and became a spy. Still need more evidence? The password for Dumbledore's office is Phoenix. Sirius Black is also a member of The Order, and is not a Voldemort supporter as previously suspected."

            The three Gryffindors' jaws had dropped at his last statement. Draco looked on, satisfied. It was Ron who spoke first. Draco was surprised to hear his voice shaking. "Fine Malfoy. Maybe you are a member, but I know you were involved in that attack against Hermione's parents and-"

            "Ron, stop it." Hermione said gently, laying a hand on his shoulder. 

            Ron grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly, but continued to speak nonetheless. "No, he needs to hear this, Hermione. If he's changed the way he says he has, then he knows he deserves it." He drew a breath before continuing. "I know you helped kill her parents, you son of a bitch. And maybe you are different now, but know this: No matter how many good deeds you perform," He gave a small sarcastic grin at this. "you will always be a Death Eater. You will always have helped killed Hermione's parents, and you will always have tortured Harry and nothing you do is going to make that go away."

~*~*~

            Ron's words had haunted Draco for the longest time. Even now they played over and over in his head, torturing him because he knew that Ron was right. There was no way to make things perfect. He was no longer innocent and even if he had joined The Order, that didn't mean that everything was forgiven. 

            And he had deserved it. Every single word. Though at the time, he hadn't been thinking about it. Draco had thrown Ron's words aside and went on to musing about the events that were to take place at Hogsmeade.  

~*~*~

            Ron, Harry, and Hermione turned away from him and continued along the passageway. Draco followed them, trailing a little behind. What was to come? What would happen? Would someone die? Could he prevent it?

            These thoughts were eating away at Draco's soul. Soon enough they reached Honeydukes. Pretending that Draco was not there, the trio of Gryffindors snuck into the Honeydukes cellar and then stepped outside of the shop and into the village of Hogsmeade. Draco followed a few minutes later, making sure that he left enough time between himself and Harry, Ron, and Hermione so they wouldn't be associated with each other. 

            The sight that met Draco's eyes when he arrived scared the hell out of him. He was late. The attack had already begun. He had already screwed up. Determined not to dwell on his mistake he joined the fray. 

Too many Death Eaters were around for him to start helping the Light Side. "_Imperio!_" He yelled, but missed his target on purpose.

            He watched as Wormtail shot the Cruciatus Curse at Ron. Ron screamed and twitched and Draco stood by, powerless to stop the pain that his ally was enduring. Hermione, however, was not helpless. She stunned Wormtail with a flick of her wand and dragged Ron towards the side of the battle, away from prying Death Eater eyes. 

            Glancing around to make sure he was not being seen, Draco ran over to Ron and Hermione. "What do you want?" Ron asked harshly, still gasping from the pain he had just experienced. 

            Draco ignored him. "Are you okay?" He asked.

            "What do we have here?" Draco turned around to see Crabbe's father staring down at him. _Strike two_, he thought to himself. He had screwed up again.

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	7. The Days of Innocence

            AN: Sorry this took so long! I've had most of it written up for awhile, but my computer was down for a long time. Thanks for being patient! 

Chapter 7: The Days of Innocence

"What are you doing, Draco? Have you decided to switch sides?" Crabbe asked with a sneer on his face.

            Draco sat stunned for a moment, but then regained coherent thought. "Crabbe." Draco said dismissively. He walked over and pulled the smaller man aside. "Those are acquaintances of mine at Hogwarts." Draco indicated to Ron and Hermione. "They cannot know I am a Death Eater. One of them saw me and called me over to them. I cannot reveal my allegiance to the Dark Lord or they will run straight to Dumbledore." Draco prayed with ever fiber of his being that Crabbe would believe the lie.

            Crabbe nodded in understanding. "Very well, but didn't I just blow your cover?" He asked wonderingly. 

            Draco thought this over for a moment. "Possibly, but the girl is panicking about her friend. She is preoccupied. If they question me, I will lie."

            Crabbe nodded again and took off to join the battle once more. Draco sighed in relief as Crabbe turned the corner and disappeared from view. "That was close." He muttered to himself. After a quick second of joy in the revelation that he wasn't dead, Draco rushed back over to Ron and Hermione. 

            "Is he okay?" Draco asked, indicating Ron. This time Ron did not say anything. Hermione, too, was silent for a few minutes, but eventually she spoke. 

            "Yes, he'll be fine." Whispering, she turned to face Draco with tears in her eyes. "Is it true that you helped kill my parents?"

            Draco's blood ran cold. How was he supposed to ignore her? He couldn't. He was trapped. Had to answer. Draco averted his eyes, unable to stare into her pained face any longer. "Yes." He murmured, so quiet that Hermione almost didn't hear him.

            She closed her eyes and whispered something under her breath before speaking to him. "Go back to the battle."

            Draco could tell by her expression and the curtness of her words that she was angry and saddened all at the same time by his reply. "No, I'll stay here. I can you help you with-" he began, hoping he could assist with Ron and possibly ask for her forgiveness. 

            "I said, GO!" Hermione shouted fiercely. Tears were now silently spilling down her cheeks. Draco nodded and looked at Ron who had been curiously silent throughout the exchange. He was surprised to see that Ron had gone unconscious. Probably from the exertion of the Cruciatus. Draco thought to himself. Ron had been under it for a long period of time.

            "He's unconscious," Draco muttered quietly, pointing at Ron.

            "I'll take care of it." Hermione choked out. "Just go, please." Her eyes pleaded with him and Draco could no longer bear the hurt he had caused. As he was running quickly towards the battle he heard Hermione say, "Ennervate," and Ron was awoken. Soon he heard Ron and Hermione following behind him, though far enough back as to not be associated with Draco.

            Draco gasped openly at the destruction that met his eyes when he arrived on the main street of Hogsmeade. Honeydukes candy shop was in ruins. A few people whom Draco hoped were only knocked out were strewn on the ground. The Death Eaters were nowhere to be seen, and Draco was quite sure that the conflict was over. He had not made any difference. He had not saved any lives, and he had almost been caught. Draco had failed at his first mission as a member of The Order of the Phoenix.

            All of the members were now busy accounting for everyone. Draco saw Dumbledore and after briefly scanning the scene again for any more Death Eaters, he ran over towards him. "I'm sorry sir. I did nothing to help our side." Draco was surprised to hear himself sounding slightly hysterical.

            Dumbledore smiled faintly, but it was a pained one. "Draco, you were not a hindrance either. You did not help The Dark Side and you did not put The Order in jeopardy by revealing yourself. You were a great help." He laid a hand on Draco's shoulder and then walked off to assess the damage that had been done that day.

            Many hours later, Draco was fighting for sleep in his four-poster bed. Shivering slightly, he pulled his green quilt closer to him. Much damage had been done to the property at Hogsmeade, but worse was the body count. Seven innocent people had been killed by The Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. They were not members of either side, merely spending the day at Hogsmeade for a little bit of fun.

            One of the victims had been a 10-year-old boy who had looked a little bit like Draco, with icy blonde hair. He had been so innocent, probably eagerly awaiting next year when he would get to go to Hogwarts and now that would never be. Draco recalled looking into the boy's eyes and feeling a pang of loss. In the quietness of his dormitory, Draco sobbed himself to sleep. 

~*~*~

            Draco cursed to himself softly. He shouldn't be thinking about everything that had happened. Why couldn't he just let the past go? It was done and there was nothing he could do to change it. But deep down, he knew why. He had never repented for his sins, and now he punished himself daily by letting the scenes of pain and carnage play over and over in his head.

            The memories were almost too much for him to handle. His thoughts traveled back to the young boy who had been killed that day at Hogsmeade. He had done nothing wrong, but evil and corrupt people had cost him his life. "And to think," Draco whispered to no one. "I wanted that. I wanted to kill, torture and hurt people." 

            It was true, he had always abused the students at Hogwarts, verbally, but it was such a different thing to watch as Voldemort tortured his schoolmates. To watch as this pure evil being manipulated his father into doing whatever he wished. And why had his father traveled down that particular path? Draco had never found out the real answer. He supposed it was just a part of the family. They were all evil, from generation to generation. "And I'm no exception." Draco muttered into the darkness.

~*~*~

            Draco didn't sleep much that night. Images from the day's battle replayed themselves in his head, keeping him in a frustrated and pained state of mind. The next day, he awoke a few minutes after noon. He crawled out of bed reluctantly, as his stomach growled. 

            Alone, he made his way through the winding passages of Hogwarts, tracing the familiar route to The Great Hall. He saw Crabbe and Goyle sitting at one end of the Slytherin table, stuffing their faces with treacle tart. Draco moved to sit next to them, but changed his mind before he reached the table. He sat at the opposite end, not wanting to consort with any more Death Eaters, or future Death Eaters. He knew it would look odd to anyone watching, but at that point he was too tired and upset to care.

            He ate his lunch by himself, wishing he could go back to the days when things weren't so complicated. Draco decided he did not want to go back to his dormitory, and debated exactly where he could go to pass the time. Thinking that flying was sure to get his mind off of things, he hurried to his dorm and grabbed his Nimbus 2001.

            The brisk wind and kamikaze dives did what nothing else could. It put his mind at ease somehow. And by the time he had put in a good three hours of flying, he was starting to feel a small flicker of hope rising up in his heart. He still had chances to help and he knew the next time there was a mission; he wouldn't screw up. 

            That night, he did not dream of tears and despair. His dreams contained a memory. A memory from a long time ago that he was had been forgotten. A young blonde boy was being taught how to ride a broomstick by his father. Those had been the days of innocence. Draco slept peacefully that night, a small smile on his face. 

Thanks for reading and please review!


	8. Insecurities Lie Within

AN: Sorry this took so long! I just started another story and have been quite busy getting it off the ground! As always thanks for the reviews and thanks for looking!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 8: Insecurities Lie Within

_Mr. Malfoy_

Our attack on Hogsmeade yesterday was a failure. We will discuss further plans of action tonight at your manor at 7pm.

_LV._

            Draco folded the piece of paper with shaking hands. Another letter. They were becoming much more frequent. He hurried out of the Great Hall to Dumbledore's office, wondering how he would screw up this time. Dumbledore greeted him with a grim smile.

            "Mr. Malfoy? What brings you here? Certainly not more misfortune?" His cheery expression faltered as his eyes traveled to the piece of paper in Draco's hands. "What does it say?" Draco handed the letter to Dumbledore silently. He began mumbling to himself, but Draco couldn't catch what he was saying. "Very well." Dumbledore sighed. "Go to this meeting and report back here when you're done."

            Draco nodded. "Thank you, sir." He left the room quickly, hurrying to reach his Care of Magical Creatures class on time. He arrived three minutes late. 

            "Mr. Malfoy, start making it here on time." Professor Fletcher snapped. Mundungus Fletcher had taken over as the Care of Magical Creatures professor after Hagrid's death. Though the man was a member of The Order, and had sided with Dumbledore from the start, he wasn't a very nice teacher. Draco supposed that many years with evil and hardship had hardened the man's character. Whatever it was, Professor Fletcher was a little like Moody: cantankerous and weary. 

            "Sorry, sir." Draco muttered. He heard someone snicker and looked over to see Ron whispering something to Harry who laughed too. Not for the first time in his life, Draco longed for real friends instead of followers. He quickly shook his head to rid his mind of the thoughts. It would not do to dwell on insecurities. 

            That night, Draco crept out of Hogwarts and into Hogsmeade as fast as he could. Several teachers roaming the corridors had made him rather late for the meeting. As soon as he arrived at the Manor, Voldemort came towards him, his upper lip curling with distaste. 

            "Tell me, Mr. Malfoy." He sneered. "Why are you always late? And I'm also very curious to find out about your adventures during the attack yesterday. The other Death Eaters tell me that you were not seen for a very long time." 

            Draco searched the crowd of Death Eaters for Crabbe. Had he told Voldemort anything? Had he said something about his concern for Ron Weasley? If he did, then Draco was as good as dead. However, as Draco scanned the gathering, Crabbe was nowhere in sight. _Perhaps he has not made it this evening_, Draco thought, relieved. 

            "Well?" Voldemort hissed. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

            Draco searched his mind for an excuse. "Master," He began, though the word sickened him. "It is imperative that Dumbledore be deceived by me. He can not know that I am your servant or I will be useless."

            Voldemort's snake-like features contorted into an unsatisfied expression. "You're useless to me now! Perhaps you need to pay for your lie?" He taunted and at that moment Draco realized his mistake. Crabbe had told Voldemort exactly what had happened. Voldemort had simply wanted to see what Draco would say. "_Crucio_!" 

            Draco felt the familiar burn hit him in full force. His bones, nerves, and muscles were on fire. Every fiber of his being was drowning in pain. The Dark Lord lifted the curse after a few long moments. "Are your ready to tell the truth?" He jeered. "Or perhaps another round of pain? _Crucio_!" Voldemort yelled, without giving Draco a chance to respond. 

            Draco knew he was not strong enough. He could not last, could not take anymore. _Tell him_, his body screamed. _Dumbledore…working for Dumbledore. Had he said that part aloud? What had he told him? Hold on…he had to hold on_. Suddenly everything went black. 

~*~*~

            Draco punched the wall viciously. How could people do that to themselves? How could they let their actions be dictated by this pure evil being who cared for nothing, but himself? It was absurd and yet he had thought that was the life of glory. His own father had let his decisions be manipulated by Voldemort and thought nothing of it.  

            His father was the person who made him angry the most. Draco had loved and admired his father as a child. Lucius could do not wrong in his eyes. His father, though sometimes verbally abusing, had never cursed him as some parents had done to their children. To this day, Draco still maintained that his father cared and loved him very much. Sometimes, he thought he was fooling himself. If Lucius had loved him, he wouldn't have looked on as the Dark Lord tortured Draco unmercifully.

~*~*~

            Draco worked hard to open his eyes and gradually he made progress. After a few moments of opening and closing, his eyelids began to work like normal. The only thing he could feel was pain. His arms ached, his chest felt like it was on fire, and his head was throbbing. What had they done to him?

            He could barely see in the dingy room. Only a sliver of light reached where he was hung, but he still managed to assess his injuries. It seemed that the Death Eaters had beat him physically as well as cursed him. Draco knew he had blacked out from the effort of fighting the Cruciatus Curse and he was glad that he had. Who knew what he might have said if he had been fully awake. His arms were chained to the wall high above the rest of his body, which made the aching of the bruises ten times worse. Very likely a Bone-Splitting Curse had been used on his ribs. Every time he took a breath, his chest burned. Struggling to maintain consciousness, Draco tried to think of anything but his current situation. 

            Oddly enough, his mind landed on Harry Potter. He imagined that he was someone like Harry. He had best friends and was admired by all. In the darkness, tears began to pour down Draco's face as he thought of the waste that his life really was. He usually wasn't one for self-pity and weakness, but at that moment, alone and hurting, Draco didn't care. 

            Soon the exertion crept over him, and he could no longer stay awake. Whether he fell asleep or passed out, Draco didn't know, but soon he was breathing peacefully, dreaming of a different life in which his friends helped him and trusted him and his ordeals were not so dangerous and complicated. 

Well Whaddya think? Was it good? Did it suck? Please review! If you like this, check out my story A Different World, which goes through Harry's fifth year. And after that Harry Potter and the Fulfilled Prophecy, the sequel!


	9. A Reluctant Hero

            AN: Sorry this took so long. Blame school. J Thanks to the wonderful readers who reviewed this and emailed me. I love you! Hope you enjoy this chapter and please review!

            Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 9: A Reluctant Hero

Draco woke for the second time in the small room, this time with the feeling that someone was watching him. He raised his head and looked around. Sure enough, Voldemort and a handful of Death Eaters were standing around him. 

            "Ah. The brat has awoken." Voldemort hissed. "Lucius, you should do better to keep your spawn in check." Draco looked towards his father. He showed no remorse or sadness for what had happened to his son. "Now, Draco. I realize that something has been going on. Whether you have pledged loyalties elsewhere or are just conflicted with yourself, I do not know. There are always ways to find that out of course. Severus is particularly crafty with Veritaserum, aren't you Severus?" Snape nodded and Draco thought he might be sick. "However, I don't think we have reached these extremes yet. That beating served the reminder that you are mine."

            His dark eyes swept across the room for a moment as if daring anyone to challenge the statement. The Death Eaters looked on with reverence, none breaking the silence that had taken over the room. Voldemort continued, "You belong to me Draco and that will never change. I hold the key to your soul in my cloak pocket. Let him go!" He bellowed. 

            Draco's father muttered a spell and Draco found himself in a heap on the floor. "Get up, you imbecile!" His father said as he kicked him to hurry the process. Draco felt tears sting his eyes. His father…his own, but no this wasn't the time to think about that. _Don't let them know they hurt you_. Draco chanted in his mind. _Don't show weakness_.

            "Now Draco," Voldemort began in the same sickly sweet tone he had used before. "I suggest you get back on the right path. Stay on the course, Draco. I always find out. The next time your loyalties waiver I will not be so generous and merciful." Draco felt fear stab his heart. Ashamed, he looked away from the rest of the Death Eaters. "Get out of my sight, you filth." Voldemort said to him. 

            Draco ran from the room while the rest of the Death Eaters laughed. He knew he must have looked foolish, but for once he didn't care what people thought about him. He ran and ran as fast as he could until he reached a point at which he could Apparate into Hogsmeade. When he finally reached the castle, the thought came to him that he didn't know what he was going to tell Dumbledore.

            He had to lie. That he was sure of. Draco knew that if he told Dumbledore the truth, Voldemort would find out and many people's lives would be in danger with the Veritaserum that he had been threatened with. Draco wasn't sure that Snape could pull off some sort of fake Veritaserum to give him and he wasn't willing to try. However, he had been at the Manor for over a day, and he still had to say something…something that Dumbledore would believe. 

            His mind raced, reaching grabbing at anything that could be considered feasible. "An attack!" Draco shouted aloud to no one. He could say they had been planning an attack and after while of debating they realized that it wouldn't work and so they had abandoned the idea. Perfect! Draco congratulated his mind at coming up with something so believable in such a short period of time. 

            He began running again, eager to reach Dumbledore's office before the details of the fib had seeped away. Giving the password, and leaping up the stairs two at a time, Draco reached Dumbledore's office very out of breath. Dumbledore stood at once. 

            "Mr. Malfoy! You're safe! What happened?" He waited for a moment as Draco tried breathing at a normal pace. When he had finally regained the ability of speech, he began to tell his tale.

            "I was with Voldemort and the Death Eaters the whole time. We were talking about an attack, but then we realized that it wouldn't work so…we just had to drop the plan." Somehow the lie didn't sound as good spoken aloud as it did in his head.

            Dumbledore looked confused. "What was the attack? Where was it supposed to happen? When?"

            Draco thought for a moment, hoping it wasn't too obvious that he wasn't telling the truth. "It was going to be a plot to get to Potter." _Harry._ Draco added silently. _Harry Potter_. 

            Dumbledore sighed, long and heavy. Draco could not tell what the man was thinking. "Interesting." He said finally, after studying Draco for a few minutes. "Severus Snape has a different story." 

            Draco almost smacked himself in the head. How could he have forgotten? He wasn't the only spy that Dumbledore had working for him. And now Dumbledore would know what a coward he was. Draco tore his gaze from Dumbledore's eyes, ashamed of his cowardice. "I'm sorry sir," were the only words he could muster. 

            "Sit down Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore said pointing to a seat in front of his desk. Draco complied and was surprised to see that Dumbledore's eyes were not filled with regret and disappointment, but amusement. 

            "I'm going to tell you a story about another reluctant hero." Dumbledore said. Draco almost rolled his eyes. _If this is another bloody Potter story…_"A long time ago, before you existed, before any of the students in this school existed, there was another Dark Lord. Do you know whom I speak of, Draco?"

            "Grindelwald." Draco said instantly. He rarely listened in Professor Binns' class, but one couldn't help but pick up on a few names. 

            Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, Grindelwald. He began a slow reign, getting others to share his views and opinions, and then blaming others for the problems of the world. He even aligned himself with a Muggle so he could control both worlds. Soon he had an army behind him and it was feared that he would never be stopped. Students were being drafted as soon as they left Hogwarts. Even older wizards were going to join in the fight. A middle-aged man found himself in the draft and he was called into battle. Despite his easy ascent into the higher ranks of the military, this wizard still despised the fighting. He was not a fan of war and conflict. But he found that he was leader amongst his people and he did what he had to do; ultimately contributing to the defeat of Grindelwald in 1945." He finished. "Sometimes the reluctant heroes are the best kind." Dumbledore winked and Draco found himself smiling despite the seriousness of the situation. 

            "Sir, may I ask, who was the wizard?" Draco asked, though he already suspected the answer. 

            "He was a man by the name of Albus Dumbledore." His eyes twinkled as he remembered the past. "The most reluctant hero that I was ever lucky enough to come across!" Suddenly, Dumbledore's expression grew serious. "And now, Draco, it is your turn.

            Draco nodded and felt inexplicable courage well up in his heart. He left without saying a word, suddenly feeling like he could do anything. Besides it had a nice ring to it, Draco Malfoy: Reluctant Hero. 

Please Review!


	10. The Right Path

            AN: Thanks to my reviewers! I really appreciate it. Sorry this chapter was late…the holidays kept me busy. Hope you guys had a nice holiday!

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 10: The Right Path 

Draco received his next letter from Voldemort the following day. It was very short.

            _Mr. Malfoy,_

_            After last night's lesson, I hope your loyalty never wavers again. Be at your Manor tonight at seven._

_                                                L.V._

            With a renewed sense of determination ever since Dumbledore had told Draco of his own heroics, Draco ran to Dumbledore's office to report the letter. "Sir!" He yelled when he was inside the office. "I've received another letter." 

            Dumbledore took the letter from Draco's hand and examined it. He sighed. "Draco you know what you must do. Go to this meeting and find out what you can." Draco nodded and raced from the room attempting to be on time for Transfiguration for once. He reached the classroom out of breath, but the lesson had not yet begun.  During the class, Draco's mind was conflicted .One part of him wanted to do what Voldemort wished, simply so he would not be tortured any longer. The other half of him wanted to help Dumbledore. And suddenly words came back to him…words that he hadn't known were stored in his brain. A speech from a long time ago. 

            _"Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory."_

            Draco's mind had made a decision. In his choice between what was right and what was easy, he would chose right. He would work for Dumbledore even if it took his life. 

~*~*~

            Draco smiled at the memory. Things had begun to fall into place at that moment. It was the turning point of his life. He had always considered that moment in Transfiguration when he had decided to do what was right, the greatest thing he had ever experienced. It was a revelation of sorts. He sighed with a sort of half-smile on his face. Draco walked over to his dresser and picked up a framed newspaper article from it. There was a picture with an article. The members of the Order of the Phoenix. He was standing beside Potter for probably the only time in his life. 

            He stared at Harry for a moment, wondering how he had come to dislike the boy. He supposed it was partly his father and the rest…well Harry had refused his friendship on the first day of school and Draco never could accept that. 

            In the end, they had all reached an understanding, a sort of mutual respect. Oh, he had never become friends with any of the little trio, but he found he could stand their presence and they had learned to tolerate him a little more as well. But there were still things that had not been forgiven. Hermione had never quite forgiven him for helping with the murder of her parents. And who could blame her? He had never actually offered an apology. And same with Harry…he had never even apologized for torturing him. Draco set the framed article back down and traveled back in time to a point where he had finally found the right path.

~*~*~

            Draco arrived at the Manor three minutes before seven. Voldemort and the rest of the Death Eaters were already there. The Dark Lord began to speak at once. "We have been stagnant in our activities for a short period of time. We've been dealing with leaks in our system." He hissed, sending Draco a look of malice. "However, everything is now as it should be. We have Dumbledore by the throat. We are on the offensive and he has no idea what we will do next. So I think we should attack the very place he calls home. Hogwarts is the new target! We can eliminate Potter and Dumbledore at the same time…as well as a few pesky students who feel it is their duty to support Dumbledore."

            Draco knew he was speaking of the Weasleys. Almost all of them were involved in the fight against Voldemort. 

            "How should we go about doing this you're wondering? Well Dumbledore has protected the walls of his school with more enchantments that you or I have even heard of. That's why we may need some outside help on this mission. Cursebuilders. Lucius, you have access to Ministry records. I need you to find out which cursebuilders helped construct the magical walls of Hogwarts. If they put them up, they will know how to take them down. Go Lucius, now. We cannot wait another minute." Draco's father left without a word. "Severus. I need you to find floor plans of Hogwarts. Also, any information on the enchantments around the castle will be helpful. Go." Voldemort sneered. "All of you may leave. Accept for young Draco." Draco stopped in his tracks and turned around to face the Dark Lord. "If in any way this attack is thwarted, Draco, I shall know you are behind it. And the second the news comes, you will find yourself begging for death before I am done with you." 

            Draco merely nodded. "Yes, Master," He muttered trying to keep any traces of defiance out his voice.  He walked out of the room quickly and Apparated to Hogsmeade. Soon he found himself on the sloping lawns of Hogwarts and for once his mind did not hesitate on what he should do or say. He headed straight to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was already sitting behind his desk and looking towards the door when Draco entered. Perhaps he had been waiting for his arrival.

            "Headmaster," Draco began. "Voldemort wants to attack Hogwarts. He sent my Father to find out which cursebuilders were involved in putting up the enchantments around the castle. He sent Snape to find floor plans of Hogwarts and any information about the enchantments. He told me that if the attack was thwarted he would torture me and kill me," Draco finished breathlessly. "What are we going to do?" 

            Draco thought the situation looked rather hopeless. If Dumbledore did nothing then Voldemort and his Death Eaters would come and kill. If he did something then Draco would end up dead. Perhaps it was a sacrifice that Dumbledore was willing to make? Draco searched the eyes of the old man, hoping that he had a solution that did not end with Draco dead. 

            "There is a simple solution to this problem," Dumbledore stated. "We will give Voldemort what he wants."

            Draco looked at Dumbledore incredulously. "You're kidding, right? You're going to lead Voldemort straight to Hogwarts?" 

            Dumbledore smiled. "With false information of course. I will have one of my contacts at the ministry plant false records at the archives. I will have Severus take false floor plans to Voldemort. Hopefully, you will not be suspected." Dumbledore sighed and for the first time that evening, his cheery disposition was no longer intact. "If Voldemort does suspect you, I'm afraid you're on your own, Draco." 

            Draco nodded, and for the first time since he had joined the Order of the Phoenix he felt the absence of fear. "I understand sir." Wearing a look of grim determination, Draco made his way back to the Slytherin common room. He would help hinder this plan if it killed him.

AN: Please Review!


	11. Loneliness

            AN: It's been forever, I know! But this chapter was giving me trouble. Only a few more chapters to go until the end. Please review!

            Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter sort. 

Chapter 11: Loneliness

Lord Voldemort eyed Draco as he stood near the table at his Manor awaiting the arrival of other Death Eaters. Today was the day they were supposed to break into Hogwarts. Draco had arrived early, a mistake that he had not foreseen. He was alone with Voldemort. "Mr. Malfoy, I presume you remember the conversation we had before this day was planned?" 

            Draco nodded as his insides turned to ice. Voldemort had promised that Draco would be screaming for death if this mission were ruined. Suddenly, a series of pops sounded around Draco, signaling the arrival of many Death Eaters. 

            Professor Snape was among them. "My Lord, everything has been prepared," he said in a low voice. "Should we begin?"

            Lord Voldemort laughed wildly. "That mudblood loving twit will get what's coming to him. Remember where we are to Apparate. Wormtail, go first and make sure everything is clear."

            "Yes, Master," Wormtail, said silkily. He Apparated and returned a second later. "Everything is safe, my Lord." 

            Draco laughed inside his head. If everything went according to plan, Wormtail would be getting his comeuppance before the night was over. Voldemort gave another high-pitched laugh. "Those Curse Breakers did a fine job, it seems." With that he Apparated, and the other Death Eaters followed suit. Draco took a deep breath and Apparated himself. 

            The Death Eaters had already begun to penetrate the barrier that had been the curses around Hogwarts. Draco counted them as they slipped onto Hogwarts property. There was a baker's dozen. Three more than Draco had expected to go. Would Dumbledore be prepared? 

            Some students were enjoying the Saturday afternoon around the lake. Draco's eyes went wide when he saw Potter and Weasley playing with a giant black dog. Didn't they know what was going on that day? They had to. They were in the Order. Feeling slightly less confident, Draco followed the rest of the Death Eaters to a grouping of trees.

            "The time to attack is now," Voldemort began. _So this is what it feels like to be at a Death Eater pep rally_, Draco thought. _Should I be waving a flag, or just brandishing the filthy mark on my arm_? He scowled and continued to listen to Voldemort. "Six of you will come with me to the lake to take care of the brats around it. The other seven, will wait behind the school until Dumbledore comes. We need to overpower him."

            Draco followed Voldemort to the lake, wondering what he could possibly do to help out the other members of The Order. Dumbledore had told him not to give up his cover for any reason. Did that include death? He shook his head, attempting to clear away the confusing thoughts to no avail. 

            When the lake finally came into view, two third years pointed at them and shouted, "Death Eaters!" Potter and Weasley turned towards them with their teeth bared. The big black dog stood in front of them and growled too. The students joined Potter holding their wands out threateningly. One of the smaller ones ran to the castle, presumably to get help. 

            Voldemort looked at the small coalition with a twisted grin on his serpent-like face. "Potter, I see you made some new friends? What happened to the others…did they become _extinct_?" 

Potter flinched visibly, but stood tall with his head held high. "We're not afraid of you Tom Riddle."

This time it was Voldemort who flinched at the use of his real name. He recovered quickly. "No matter. You will fear me in a few brief seconds." He raised his wand quickly and shouted, "_Crucio_!" Potter dropped to the ground, convulsing. Draco stared. He felt frozen to the ground. 

Fortunately, someone else was not standing around and watching. "_Stupefy_!" it was Weasley. Voldemort dodged the curse, but it was enough to throw his concentration. Potter stood on his feet as the Death Eaters began to attack. 

Draco ran to the back of the small group and whispered, "_Stupefy_." Crabbe dropped to the ground and no one was any the wiser. Teachers began pouring out of Hogwarts and then more Death Eaters came around from behind. The battle was in full swing. Draco thought he heard someone shout the killing curse and looked around for a fallen comrade or enemy. It was no use; there were too many people. Trying to forget what had just happened, Draco looked for someway to help without being seen.

He crept behind his own father and raised his wand to stupefy him. Someone grabbed his arm and twisted him around. It was Voldemort. The Dark Lord dragged him over to a nearby tree. 

"So hard to find loyal compatriots these days," he whispered softly. "I knew you were trouble from the start. And now little Malfoy, you shall pay. What a pity it will be that your father will never get to see his son achieve."

Draco looked into those cold red eyes and hatred burned through him, as he had never felt. Voldemort had ruined his family. His father no longer cared because he was too concerned with pleasing his Lord. "I'm not afraid of you," he said quietly. 

            Voldemort laughed cruelly. "That seems to be a popular opinion today. I never thought I would see a Malfoy joining sides with a Potter. Your father will find this interesting." Draco cried in his mind. His father would know of his treason. He wished Voldemort would kill him first.

            "Lucius!" Voldemort hissed. His father joined them. 

            "What is it Master?" he asked. Draco was ashamed to hear the oily tone of voice that his father used when addressing Voldemort. 

            "Your son was about to attack you. We have a traitor on our hands. What do you have to say to that?" Voldemort shouted. 

            Draco saw his father's eyes flash with anger, eyes that had never shown love. "I'm sorry my Lord. He deserves death," Lucius said, his voice full of hatred.

            Draco dropped his head. He knew that he had been expecting a miracle, but he had hoped for a second that his father would side with him and go against Voldemort. "Good. Now that we agree, you will be the one to kill him," the Dark Lord said threateningly. 

            Lucius merely nodded. "Of course, Master." Draco could barely believe his ears. He watched, as his father did not hesitate to raise his wand. Draco closed his eyes. For some reason he did not want to look into the face that he had associated with heroism when he was a boy as he was killed. He waited for the curse to come. 

            But it did not. Instead a loud moan was heard. Draco opened his eyes to see the black dog chewing on his father's leg while Voldemort looked shocked. He raised his wand, perhaps to kill the dog, but Draco was faster. Knowing he only had seconds, Draco pushed Voldemort as hard as he could causing him to fall to the ground. "_Stupefy_!" Draco yelled with his wand pointed at this father.  

            Draco looked at Voldemort who was now bearing down on him. "You piece of filth! _Crucio_!" Pain beyond anything that Draco could imagine coursed through his body. He felt his eyes roll up into his skull. Pain was all he knew. And then as suddenly as it started, it stopped. With blurry vision, Draco looked up. Potter was now dueling with the Dark Lord. 

            Draco could not stand up. Still breathing hard, he watched the fight that was taking place in front of him. Potter ducked as Voldemort sent a Cruciatus Curse his way. Potter yelled, "_Impedimenta_!" but his curse, too, missed its target. They circled, each waiting for the other to make a move. 

            "_Imperio_!" Voldemort yelled. This time, the Dark Lord did not go off his mark. 

But suddenly, Harry yelled, "_Petrificus Totalus_!" Draco could barely believe his eyes. He had never seen anyone shake the Imperious Curse that quickly. It had been mere seconds. It took a minute for Draco to notice that Potter and Voldemort were no longer fighting. Voldemort was lying on the ground, stiff as a board. Potter breathed a sigh of relief, but looked to be on the verge of tears.

The two boys stared at the fallen body of evil. His eyes were still moving, frantically searching for one of his allies to help him. However, Draco looked around the Hogwarts grounds. It seemed that the Death Eaters who were not incapacitated or dead had abandoned Voldemort. The large dog bounded up to them and transformed into a man who Draco instantly recognized as Sirius Black. Even though Draco knew he was innocent, it took quite some effort to not shout at the sight. "_Stupefy_," he muttered. Voldemort's eyes closed. 

"Kill him," Draco spat. He wanted to see the vermin who was responsible for so much death and chaos get what he deserved. Sirius said nothing. "Did you hear me? Kill him!"

Sirius grit his teeth. "Don't tempt me." 

"What the hell are you talking about? Do you want to see him get free again?" Draco could not believe what he was hearing. Was everyone just content to see Voldemort go to Azkaban? He was not. 

"Look!" Sirius shouted. "Things aren't as simple as that…" he began, but Draco interrupted. 

"I know the Order was given permission to use the Unforgiveables! Just do it!" Sirius looked torn between killing the piece of filth at his feet, or being moral. Draco knew which he preferred. Potter was staying unusually silent as they argued. 

Draco peered closer at Sirius and noticed something he hadn't a moment ago. Tears were pouring down his face. It shook Draco to see a grown man cry. "I guess you don't know," Sirius said hoarsely. "Dumbledore…Voldemort got him. Right before he came after you. Avada Kedavra and just like that. Dumbledore wouldn't have wanted him killed. I know it." 

Draco scowled. Maybe Dumbledore had helped him onto the right path, but the revenge part of him had never left. Draco raised his wand and before anyone could stop him yelled, "_Avada Kedavra_!" The green light hit Voldemort at full force and life was wiped from his body. 

Potter and Sirius stared. "You shouldn't have done that," Potter said after a long pause. His voice was dull. Draco could feel Potter's pain as he spoke. Potter walked away from him with a sigh. Draco watched as he joined Granger and Weasley. They hugged each other tightly. 

Despite himself, Draco felt his eyes water. Soon, his own parents would be taken to Azkaban where they were sure to stay for the rest of their existence. Friendless and parentless, Draco longed for someone to hug. 

AN: Whaddya think? Was it good? Did it suck? Please review!


	12. Belated Tears

            AN: Only one or two more chapters to go. Thanks to those who reviewed…I love you guys. Also, I stole a line from The Patriot in this chapter. See if you can spot it! Thanks guys! 

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. 

Chapter 12: Belated Tears

Draco had only scattered memories of the days that followed the last battle. He recalled the day of his parent's trial. Both had been convicted of Death Eater activity. His father would be in there for life while his mother would be out in ten years. Draco found that he did not care. He was an orphan now. His parents gave him no money after the so-called treason he had committed. For once, Draco Malfoy did not have the best of the best. Fortunately he was able to get a job in the Office of Prosecution in the Ministry of Magic almost as soon as he left Hogwarts. 

            Draco remembered how the Ministry had barely questioned him about the murder of Voldemort. Though the members of The Order had been given permission to use the Killing Curse, he had still expected someone, somewhere to protest. No one had. 

            But most of all Draco recollected Potter's attitude towards the whole thing. He had shut off somehow to everyone but his closest friends. Draco had never asked for forgiveness from Potter or Granger and now he was paying for it dearly. The only person he had seen since Hogwarts was Potter and that was only when he went to see a game of Quidditch. Bloody Potter was playing in championship Quidditch games for the Chudley Cannons. 

            Light was filtering through the window in Draco's bedroom. Dawn had arrived and Draco could not wait a moment longer. He threw on some robes and Apparated outside the Ministry. He was lucky to have access to the Ministry files. He rifled through the papers that they were required to fill out when they first entered the Ministry. The only hope he had of finding Granger was that she was working at the Ministry. And then there was the file. He smiled triumphantly. It seemed she was working as an Unspeakable. Suddenly, he had a thought and looked for Weasley's file too. Sure enough, he was working as an Unspeakable as well. Draco wrote down the address of Granger's home. 

            He worked in his office until lunchtime even though it was a weekend. He was anxious to talk to the girl whose parents he had helped kill years before. He wanted to be forgiven, but he wasn't sure she would allow it. He Apparated close to her home and walked the other two blocks. Draco looked at the small, modest house and felt intimidated by her. She had the power to make his life horrible for years to come, or she could help him out. He didn't want to think about which one she was most likely to choose. 

            He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He hadn't practiced what he was going to do or say…and he felt he was more nervous for this meeting than he ever had when speaking with Voldemort. 

            A slim woman with bushy brown hair answered the door. Draco recognized her at once. He thought for a moment on how to address her. Respect sounded like a good idea. "Er…Ms. Granger…" he began.

            She looked shocked to see him, but seemed to get over that fact when he spoke. "Actually…Mrs. Weasley," she said as her face turned a light shade of pink.

            A loud shout came from inside the house. "Who is it?" Draco didn't recognize the voice, but he knew who it was. 

            Weasley came to the door and stood by his wife. "What do you want?" he asked harshly. 

            Draco worked to keep the smug grin off of his face that he had shown Potter's gang for the better part of seven years. "I just want to talk to her," he said quietly. 

            Weasley did not seem convinced. He glared. "Well…I don't think that's going to happen," he muttered in anger. Draco didn't blame him. He had helped kill Hermione's parents. Did he expect to be welcomed with open arms?

            Granger considered him for a moment. She laid a hand on Ron's chest, which seemed to have an instant calming effect. She whispered something in his ear and he nodded uncertainly. "Fine," he said to Draco. "But you give me your wand before I let you in a room alone with her."

            Draco nodded bitterly. "Fine," he growled. He shoved his wand at Weasley who looked at it as if it had slime all over it. 

            "Follow me," Granger said. She led him to a small room with two desks, chairs, and papers everywhere. She looked at him calmly, obviously waiting for him to start talking. Did she know what he was there for? 

            "I…" he began. What could he say? What was there to say? The only thing he had left was the truth. "I never apologized to you," he muttered avoiding eye contact. His voice sounded oddly high. "You know what I did with Voldemort…"

            Anger and hurt flashed in her eyes in the same second. "Say it," she said through gritted teeth. "Say what you did and look me in the eye when you say it." 

            He nodded weakly and looked into her saddened brown eyes. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry…for…for helping to torture and kill your parents. I know that it's not enough and I know that I can never make it up to you but I wanted you to know that not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of them." 

            Tears were sliding down her cheeks. She swiped at them angrily as if not wanting to look hurt in front of him. Draco knew that feeling. How many years had he worked to not show emotion…not to show any weakness? "I told Ron that you couldn't have done it yourself…that someone else did and you were probably just there. But that's not true is it?"

            Draco stared. Did he have to admit what he did aloud to her? It seemed that was what she wanted, but he didn't know if he could do it. "Draco?" she asked.

            He looked up at her in shock. She had just called him by his first name. None of them had ever done that before. "I tortured your mother and then I…I…I killed her." He was surprised to find tears forming in his own eyes. He concentrated on keeping them back. Hermione was shaking her head towards the ceiling as if she couldn't believe what she had just heard. 

            "Did you expect to come here, tell me what you did, and then be forgiven?" she asked. "It doesn't work like that, you know. You killed my mother, Draco. Do you realize that? Do you even know what you did? It wasn't someone else. It wasn't some part of you that's gone. It _was _you. _You_ tortured my mother and listened to her scream and then _you_ made the decision that she didn't deserve to live based on her bloodline and the fact that I am friends with Harry." Tears were streaming down her face now. 

            "No…it…wasn't like that…" Draco began half-heartedly. 

            "Oh, really?" she said. "Then what was it like?" Draco paused and pondered her question. He came up with no answer. She was right. 

            But he was determined to provide solace to her in some way. "Maybe you're right," he said quietly. "But your parents didn't die in vain. I know that doesn't help…but what I did that night…it haunts me every night and I have never thought of doing anything to another human being since then. I know you think that I probably enjoyed it because of the way I was at school…but I was so naïve." 

            It was the first time he had ever admitted the fact that he was wrong. He had been wrong about his father. He had been wrong about the Death Eaters. He had been wrong about Voldemort. "I didn't think you would forgive me," he whispered, "but I couldn't go on knowing that I didn't try. I know that nothing…nothing I say will ever make the p-pain go away, but I want you to know that your parents made me see what a prat I was being…I've changed…I really have."

            She looked at him with an expression he couldn't identify. "You ask for my forgiveness even though you stole a part of my life from me, Draco. You and your Death Eater clan, you orphaned me." And suddenly he realized how much he had hurt her…how much damage he had done. 

            "I know," his voice cracked. "The Death Eaters orphaned me too. And well…I don't think I could forgive them either. They destroyed my family and…I know I destroyed yours too. I don't know what I was thinking." He hurried to the door so she wouldn't see the tears that were spilling down his cheeks. What had he been thinking…coming here? 

            She tugged on his arm before he could leave. Reluctantly, he turned around. Her jaw dropped when she saw the tears. Did she think he had no emotions left? "Why are you crying?" 

            Draco looked at her with blurry vision. "I have long feared that my sins would revisit me…and the cost of it is more than I can bear." 

            He turned the doorknob of the room, but she stopped him again. "Draco…you're really sorry." She sounded surprised, shocked even. "I…I forgive you." 

            And to his surprise she leaned over and hugged him. It was very quick, but Draco longed for more…affection…the affection of friends…something he had never known. "You know…Harry, Ron and I have all done things that were not exactly proud of in the war. And sometimes I know I still dream about things…sometimes I wish I could forget the whole thing…but I settled for forgiveness. And if someone can find it in their heart to forgive me…then I think I can do the same for you." 

            He nodded and wiped the tears from his face. "Thanks. It means a lot to me." 

            She smiled. "You're not as bad as I thought. At least…not anymore." 

            "And your not as horrible as I thought," he said. "Of course, I'm not sure I can say the same for Weasley and Potter." 

            "Have you spoken to them?" Hermione asked. 

            Draco shook his head. "No…I have to talk to Harry. I need to." 

            "It was you, wasn't it? That time when he was tortured…you did it," she said.

            "You mean…he never told you?" he asked. 

            "No…Harry was always reserved…even with us." She said softly.

            "How did you guess?" he wondered. 

            "Guilt is the most visible emotion. I can see it in your eyes, no matter how hard you try to hide it," Hermione said gently. 

            Draco left the room and she followed him out. Ron handed him his wand back and glanced at Hermione. She mouthed, "Later," and he said nothing.

            "I'm going to go," Draco said. "Thank you…Hermione…and," it pained him, but he said it, "Ron." 

            He left feeling rather content. She had forgiven him. Hermione really was a good person. In fact, besides Dumbledore she was the only person to see past the Malfoy last name and look at him as a person. It surprised him. And he only had one last thing to do. He had to find Potter and, for once in his life, put aside his pride for the truth. 

AN: Well Whaddya think? Was it good? Did it suck? Please Review!


	13. Facing the Past

            AN: Thanks to those who have reviewed! This is the last chapter!

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 13: Facing the Past

Draco Malfoy examined the locker room in distaste. "You would think now that they are actually winning, they would be able to afford some decent facilities," he muttered to himself. The walls looked dark and dingy, and there was a faint musty smell. Draco felt similar to a prisoner. Or perhaps it wasn't the condition of the room, but merely what he was there to do that was making him feel like the room was getting smaller and the air less plentiful. The Chudley Cannons had just won another game and Draco desperately needed to talk to Harry Potter. He paced nervously trying to come up with something to say, but words did not come to him at that moment. He was too busy revisiting painful memories that he wish he could forget. 

            _His palms felt clammy as he raised his wand. Somehow he couldn't do it, couldn't, but he had too. He heard voices around him. Voices Everywhere. "Do it!" they called. He looked down at his wand and then up at the struggling boy. For a moment, their eyes met and Draco could not do it. _

_            "Perhaps the boy needs a lesson, Lucius?" he heard a cold voice hiss. Draco gasped; he couldn't take any more torture. Had to do it. Had to. The only way. Trying not to look into the other boy's eyes, he raised his wand slowly. "Crucio!" he choked out. _

            The other boy cried out with pain. His body shook and trembled. His eyes rolled back into his head and his face wore an expression of pure terror. 

"What are you doing here?" an icy voice brought Draco back to reality. He realized that he was sweating and out of breath. He looked up to see Potter staring down at him, wearing an angry expression. His teeth were bared and he seemed to be trying hard not to punch Draco in the face. 

            Draco did not answer right away. His pride took over at exactly the wrong moment. He couldn't apologize to Potter; he just couldn't do it. He turned away, resolving to go back to his flat and never see Potter again, but the thought of the dreams forced him to turn back. If he ever wanted a good night's sleep again, he would have to deal with his past instead of running from it. He sighed and took a closer look at Potter.

            He was certainly different than the boy whom Draco had tortured at the age of 17. He was taller, but still rather lanky for a Quidditch player. His eyes looked different, worn down and tired, as if they had seen things that other people could only imagine. 

            "I…wanted to tell you…that…well…I'm sorry," Draco said slowly. But now that he had started he felt he couldn't stop. The rest of his words came out in a rush. "I'm sorry for torturing you, for acting like a prat in school, for everything I ever did as a Death Eater." Potter examined him closely. By the doubting expression upon his face, Draco could guess that Potter didn't believe him. 

            "Let me tell you something," Draco began again. "Your father was smart, funny, and a star Quidditch player. If it hadn't been for the damn war, he probably would have went pro…at least that's what everyone says. My father was a cruel, sadistic bastard who got it into his head that people were lower than you based on their bloodline or what kind of clothes they wore. My father was also a Death Eater. We both followed out father's footsteps, but maybe mine just chose the wrong path."

            Potter considered him for a moment. "You know, maybe someone else would believe that your father was the only reason that you turned out the way you are, but not me.  I didn't have parents, Malfoy. My aunt and uncle, who are Muggles, raised me and they made me do all the housework, and practically starved me and verbally abused me. And yet, I turned out fine. _You_ made the choice to follow Voldemort. You could have actually used the brain in your head and made your own decisions, but no…daddy knows best. Maybe you should have questioned the morals you were raised with. And them maybe Hermione's parents would still be alive…and you wouldn't be feeling guilty as you are now." Potter stalked away leaving Draco with his jaw hanging open. 

            Draco had barely contained his rage throughout Potter's little declaration of heroism. Who was he to insult his father? Maybe the man hadn't been the nice, perfect, smart, wonderful person that Potter believed his father to be, but he was really all Draco had. Draco hunted through the locker room for Potter and found him adjusting his robes as he prepared to head home. Feeling the unwelcome anger bubbling up again, Draco grabbed the smaller man by his shoulders and spoke fiercely, "I came here to apologize. I've been jealous and envious of you since first year and yet I thought I would throw that aside so we could at least get through this stuff without it hanging over our heads for all of eternity. You're the goddamn hero Potter, shouldn't you be practicing forgiveness?" 

            Potter removed Draco's hands from his robes. "Malfoy, our paths have crossed too many times already. Can't we just leave each other alone?"

            Draco fiddled with the ring on his left hand nervously. He had to tell Potter about the dreams or go. They were the only two choices. But for once, Draco wanted to make the right choice the first time. As Potter closed his eyes and prepared to Apparate, Draco shouted, "Wait! I…I've been having these dreams."

            Potter cast an amused expression towards him. "Dreams?" 

            "Yes, about the night I tortured you and a few about Hermione's parents. I can't stop thinking about everything I've done. I need closure. Do you understand me? I'm going nutters with this stuff swirling around in my brain constantly," Draco finished. 

            Potter gave a fake laugh. "I should have known. Typical Draco Malfoy won't do anything unless it benefits him. I can't believe I actually thought you might be apologizing just because you thought you were wrong. Silly me." 

            "I KNOW I WAS WRONG! Okay! Is that what you want to hear because I'll gladly say it! I WAS WRONG! All I saw with those damn Death Eaters was respect…that's all I wanted. I got in way over my head. I underestimated Voldemort and the Death Eaters…I just never knew what the hell I was talking about. I was wrong in all our years at Hogwarts. Every single time I said something to Weasley, I was wrong! Sure he might not have had money, but look where the hell he is now! He has a great job, a wife, and best friends that will never leave him. What the hell do I have? Nothing! And I was wrong to judge people by their bloodline! Look at Granger! She has a husband, best friends, and is probably the smartest witch that I have ever met. And…I was wrong to say things to you too." Draco took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. 

Potter eyed him bewilderedly. He laughed genuinely this time. "So we've established that you're wrong," he said with a grin. 

Draco stared at him and couldn't help but smile a bit. "Listen…Harry…I'm sorry alright. For everything." 

Potter ran a hand through his already untidy black hair. "Okay," he said softly. "If you're honest about what you say, consider yourself forgiven. I have to go. Have a good life, Malfoy." Draco nodded and stuck out his hand. Potter looked at it for a second as if wondering if it was some kind of joke. After a moment, he shook Draco's hand. Before Draco could say another word, he had Apparated. 

That night, Draco crawled into his bed and fell asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

"You know…Harry, Ron and I have all done things that were not exactly proud of in the war. And sometimes I know I still dream about things…sometimes I wish I could forget the whole thing…but I settled for forgiveness. And if someone can find it in their heart to forgive me…then I think I can do the same for you."

_"If you're honest about what you say, consider yourself forgiven. I have to go. Have a good life, Malfoy."_

Draco Malfoy awoke early the next morning from the first full night of sleep he had had in a long time. No longer were echoes of the past haunting him through the nights. Now his dreams were filled with visions of forgiveness and compassion like none he had even known. And for the first time in his life, Draco saw a sign of hope. He could turn things around. It was not too late to make something of himself, to try and help others do the same. Draco watched the sun rise, thinking of how appropriate it was. Today would be his new beginning. It was time to put the past behind him and look to the future. 

AN: Thanks for reading and please review! I was thinking of writing a sequel to this, in which Draco begins turning things around. If you would like to read a sequel, please state so in a review. Thanks!


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